Spring

Now that it's spring, I look back on my posts from the winter and the cave I was hiding in and thank circumstance and the medical profession, as well as a strong constitution, for where I am now. It's a far cry from not being able to eat, sleep, or smile.

And I think I'm damned lucky not just to enjoy those pasttimes or the taste of fresh mangoes but also the simple act of being alive and embracing the world. I'm trying to uphold a number of promises I've made to people both living and deceased, as well as promises to myself. In some sense I believe I've been given another chance not in a particularly Christian resurrection sense but in a "cherry trees flower every spring" way.

I'm happier, sharper-witted, and much healthier than the me of 2 months ago. I laugh now, and for longer peals, and at the silliest things. I'm even more the me that I was when I was a kid. More open, kind, forgiving and patient.

Illness and death remind me to always strive to be a better person and to make things right in this world since it's the only one we have. Not simply to seek to do good, but also to be good. I know that if we had spoken again, we would have found plenty in common, not the least of which is a desire to change the world, as cloyed and naive as it sounds. (You can tell I'm a little drunk on books of poetry.)

To make things right not just for people, but to them.

Always I remember Gandhi's exhortation to be the change, not with a will of iron but by giving endlessly. And that's a lesson that I owe to someone younger and smarter than me who's still living who for some reason looks up to me. I'm off to thank her for her actions and words.