Prayers and Hope

Ugh, so I have some bad news. My friend was traveling alone when she got sick and she has to go into surgery tomorrow. She's kinda scared and they're not really giving her the attention that she needs, but I don't know if it is because she is a woman of color or if she doesn't have insurance, or what. It could be both, since it's the South, but this isn't the time for dialectics and pedagogy. Like I have a whole rant about the need for universal health insurance, but right now I hope that she finds the strength to hold up until I can see her. I hope she can get herself together to demand what she needs from the doctors, because it is hard to be forceful when your insides are a puddle and your core vibrates pain.

I'm not a religious person because the first time I tried praying for someone who was sick, it didn't work. She died. Then I thought perhaps religion was not meant for me. since then, when people get really sick, I hope and hope and intone well-being thoughts and wishes their way, but it doesn't have the same urgency or need as a prayer. To pray is to be in a position of need and want and to burn feverishly. To seek cleansing and absolution in the form of supplication.

When I was sick, I was alone amongst healers. I hid all my problems, and I tried to soldier on. but there were things that I faltered at. But it was so lonely being on the road and trying so hard to do good when all I wanted to do was to stay in bed and sleep and cry. If I didn't have great friends and family that I could call, I don't know what I would have done. Probably gone more berserk and gotten even sicker. In the end it made me stronger, but I think I could have done without that kind of object lesson.

Anyhow, if you have a spare moment, please pray for my friend. I still believe more in action than prayer, so I will go rope the doctors and be the asshole who gets results. But I still believe that she could use some good thoughts, so if you are inclined to believe in prayer, send some love her direction.