Mixed blessings

On the train, I realized today that what happened last winter with my coworkers and me getting sick isn't the worst thing in the world, even though it felt like it at the time. I remember being in front of a potential client who was particularly talkative and wanting to throw up multiple times, and then having to swallow it down. And trying to do it without being noticed. Then rushing to the bathroom afterwards and dry heaving because I hadn't really been eating.

So that was the bad part. The good part is that physically, I don't feel as ill. I've pretty much recovered, although I could/should exercise some more. Mentally, the mixed blessing is that it showed me my priorities in life and made me lots more patient, and dare I say wiser? One aspect is that I definitely have a lot more perspective - school, prestige, power - none of these things teaches or makes a person good. Cheesy and trite thoughts, I know. But true none the less. And in terms of my priorities, well - health and love and friends and family are closer to the top now. I don't think I'd be as willing to put any of them on hold for any job as I did before. I know I don't care about prestige as much as I used to (hard when Ivies are drilled into you.) Let's put it this way: if I get really sick and I have to stay in bed, is my job going to be there for me? Hells no.

The people who matter most to me are the dearest treasures in the world. I could be really well-known, but I probably wouldn't be happy. One of my friends who was unhappy in her previous job started up her own business doing what she loves and is good at, and now she's making twice the amount she used to since her business has really taken off. It's been over a year, and she gets new clients all the time - she has more offers than she has the capacity for. I just met a craftsman who does what he loves, is very successful and highly regarded, even though he never went to school and was self-taught. So I fully believe that if I follow my heart, things will work out.

I suppose that's part of why I love public transportation - it affords me the opportunity to think undisturbed. I've written some of my best poetry on trains. I suppose that this makes my nom de guerre / blog focus sort of ironic.

Ultimately, the whole painful episode gave me clarity like the heightened awareness you gain at the end of a gun. Everybody has these pieces of glass that we store away in our hearts. I have more than one. It's my lifeline, my grounding stake. I need to remember to hang onto it.

Peace,
Power & Politics